Letting Go

Nothing in life works out the way we imagine it. The end game might be similar, but the path we take to get there is always different. Unexpected. And quite often, although unknown at the time, better. This post is rather overdue, so I will try and catch you up on my past couple weeks.

Being in school is like living in a bubble. An over-sized, bloated bubble. For four years it protects you, builds up your confidence, and spoon feeds you small doses of reality. But then, the lesson plans end, and you have to find an internship. I have been fantasizing about my internship for ... awhile. I was going to intern at one of the top Toronto shops, be handed a brief none of the other creatives could crack to redesign the back of a forgotten cereal, come up with a genius idea, pitch it to creatives, turn it into an entire award winning campaign, go to Cannes and get picked up by a London agency ... wait, I think that already happened to someone else. I digress.

Leading up the the portfolio show (the show to get you an internship) I had two very solid leads. Now this is a small industry, so name dropping is very inappropriate in this situation, so we will call these leads, Opportunity X and Opportunity Y. Opportunity X made me a casual offer, and Opportunity Y was coming to meet me at the show. Some how, or another, I ended up blowing it with both at the portfolio show. Maybe I was wearing the wrong shoes, or my tracking was a little too tight, but whatever the reason, I lost them both. And after spending 10 hours listening to people scrutinize over every little minute detail in my book, I had a portfolio show hangover.

Now, portfolio show's are definitely good, and will help me meet people in the industry all while improving my book, yadda yadda, but the day after the show I felt like I had been run over. I was exhausted, totally dehydrated from not drinking anything other than coffee, forgotten what home cooked meals tasted like, and generally pissed. So I screamed. Even though I had a headache. Even though I have grumpy neighbours and a nosy landlord. Even though I had gotten lots of positive reviews. I screamed. I am not a screamer. I like to bottle up my feelings and shove them down to some dark place. But it's one of the things to do on my list. So, I screamed until I was no longer angry. And then, like a three year old who just threw a big tantrum, I fell asleep.

A couple days later, I was offered an internship.

Fetching, Seeking and Rolling Over

I apologize for taking longer this week to update the blog. School has entered that infamous stretch where you aren't quite sure if you are not sleeping too little or too much. My program's portfolio show is in a week and as such I have been trying to build my very own portfolio online. As much as I am a fan of the quick and easy solution Carbonmade provides for poor students like me, it was definitely time get my own.

While my courses have been amazing at giving me real world experiences, and teaching me how to think of great creative ... coding they lack. I originally had lofty ideas of creating this beautifully illustrated binder with lined paper inside and old school tabs to navigate. But after an evening of watching tutorials, and playing around in Dreamweaver and Flash, I realized I was out of my mind. I took a computer engineering class at University of Alberta. You had to get the coding perfect. And if anything was off, even a space, the whole program wouldn't work. I was so excited when I figured out how to program a basic calculator. I am pretty sure the only reason I passed that class was because I was the only girl out of 100 guys... it wasn't exactly hard to find a lab partner willing to do my work.

So, I created my website in iweb. I have to say, I didn't really like it as a program. After the absolute control of CSS programs, the interface on iweb bothered me, it wouldn't allow me to move from computer to computer, and it shoves mobile me down your throat repeatedly. When I have time, or more likely, when I can afford to make time, I seriously would like to teach myself Dreamweaver and Flash so I never have to use iweb again. But until then, I am satisfied (although it probably doesn't sound like it).

I feel like there is a whole other world inside online coding and I am clueless. Trying to learn about Protocols, Fetching, and Hosting all sounds like some kind of weird Martha Stewart special.

I realize some of you will say this particular goal was cheating as it was school related. But in my defense, it is career related, and hopefully going to help me land an internship come January!

Check it out! sarahrutherford.ca

Bloodless Blood Drive

So today I was supposed to give blood. My lovely friend cooked me a delicious omelet in preparation for my big day, and accompanied me to the blood drive. What I didn't realize was blood drives are quite the event on campus. I arrived at 11 AM, and left at 3 PM! That's how long the line up was. At first they turned me away because they were too busy, and I was told to come back at 12:30. But even when I came back, it took me 2.5 hours to move through the entire process. By the time they registered me, pricked my finger, and interrogated my sex life, I was exhausted, cold, and hungry.

Finally my time to give blood came. I was actually kind of excited by the prospect. I am not afraid of blood or needles, have a high pain tolerance and was curious about the procedure. One donation saves three lives! Needless to say, I was pumped. But apparently, my veins were not. Immediately the nurse started shaking her head and looking from one elbow to the other. My veins were tiny, and my pulse was weak. They only managed to squeeze out enough blood to test me for diseases before my blood stopped pumping. I was pretty disappointed.

But worst of all, the nurses all teamed up on me about how I don't eat and am underweight! Not only did I feel like a rejected donor, I felt like a bulimic donor there to shed a pint of body weight. So after four hours I am left a pin, bruised arm and wounded ego.

I fear this blog is quickly entering the realm of the discovery of the not so fabulous life. But before you lose all faith in me, I do plan on trying to donate blood again! This time I will just eat and drink like a trucker before going.

Unsuccessful Beginnings

Well the first week of my social experiment came and left, and I had less than successful results. By popular vote, I was supposed to ask out a guy who was not my type. In retrospect, probably a bad decision on my part to have this be the kick off of my blog. The problem is, I have a hard time defining what exactly qualifies as my type. I guess I usually have a few qualifiers: taller than me, usually athletic build, and charming. The list of deal breakers is much more concrete: smoking, arrogance, pompous or elitist attitude, ignorant/ rude, and guys with no aspirations in life. I don't really consider myself a hard girl to please (if you can make me laugh, you are 80% there). That being said, not many guys have succeeded the last little while. I did go out this Halloween with the intention of asking out a guy. I saw and danced with lots of guys. Received many strange pick up lines. But the more guys I met, the less and less I felt inclined to ask any of them out. I will keep my eyes open, but I think this goal will have to be a continuous one over the year, rather than a week.

I will, however, be giving blood this week! November 4th to be exact. I have never given blood before. I don't even know my blood type to be honest. I am excited, but mostly scared of watching that bag fill up. Even the doctor taking a small vile of blood for tests weirds me out. I'll take my camera with me so you can have documented proof of my trials.

Wish me luck!

The List

So I made a list. Like a good student I searched other people's lists, consulted a few books, and then added in a few of my own. I chose 52 goals. Which means I need to do approx. one per week. Some are much easier than others. Some will take weeks to do, or much planning. I will create a post for each and every endeavor. No holds barred. If you have any suggestions, or amendments please let me know!

Things to do before I graduate:

1. Learn to ski/ snowboard - I used to know how, but now I suck.

2. Grow a Bonsai Tree.

3. Volunteer for a cause that matters to me.

4. Spend 24 hours naked.

5. Skydive.

6. Learn a proper ballroom dance.

7. Shoot a rifle, gun or pistol, but not kill anything, or anyone ...

8. Take a weekend break more than 1000 miles from home.

9. Use a whole roll of gaffa tape in one day.

10. Refill an ink cartridge - messy.

11. Tip the waiter something other than money (oh dear).

12. Completely dismantle an object larger than myself - I will have to think about this one.

13. Get drunk on absinthe.

14. Drive at least 600 miles on 2 lane roads - I love road trips.

15. Watch all the Monty Python movies in one sitting - never seen any of them.

16. Make a bet I can't afford to lose - tear.

17. Read a 500 page book in one sitting.

18. Fly a kite.

19. See the northern lights (Maybe this could be the goal of my road trip?)

20. Learn how to play guitar. Even just one song.

21. Publish. Something.

22. Pull an all nighter and watch the sun come up. It's been awhile.

23. Learn to meditate.

24. Do something that scares me.

25. Date someone who isn't my type (also requires learning who is my type)

26. Learn to cook one exceptional dish. Or many.

27. Play hooky. It's about time.

28. Get a mani-pedi. Just as soon as my foot heals.

29. Get a brazilian. Ouch.

30. Get my eyebrows professionally shaped.

31. Learn to love champagne like Mariah.

32. Finish school.

33. Sing Karaoke.

34. Train for a marathon.

35. Throw a huge party.

36. Drive a wickedly, cool car. Maybe I'll just rent one.

37. Scream at the top of my lungs.

38. Start a food fight.

39. Eat green fried tomatoes. Like the movie.

40. Have a snowball fight. On a beach. Ala Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

41. Walk across a frozen lake.

42. Learn the Heimlick maneuver

43. Change a flat tire.

44. Learn to change the oil (yup I'm a girl).

45. Send a drink to a stranger's table.

46. Learn to whistle.

47. Donate blood.

48. Attend a large concert/ music festival.

49. Create my own website .

50. Kiss a complete stranger.

51. Plant a tree.

52. Buy myself flowers.

I also made a list of things I want to do, but will most likely need way longer than a year (and a lot more money).

1. Set foot on each of the 7 continents. I would actually like to live for at least a month on each continent, with the exception of Antarctica ... I would be quite content to just visit there.

2. Learn another language. And use it. Preferably while traveling.

3. Dive with a whale shark. I loved Sharkwater ...

4. Get braces - so I can have a pretty smile

5. Get my M class license and buy a bike/ moped.

6. Learn to play the piano well enough to perform something for my mom

7. Run a marathon (notice I only put train in my actual list)

8. Fly a plane

9. Attend the Olympics - sadly no 2010 Vancouver for me

10. Learn to play chess. Well.

Quarter Life Crisis

First off - I am not into self-help books. That aisle, the one with the crying women, and the overexposed anonymous, is my equivalent to publicly branding yourself as the dude from the fallsview casino lucky seven commercial.

That being said, I am a single twentysomething female, in my last year of university and about to start the rest of my so called life. Going to university, including the couple victory laps, has been like living in a bubble. I have lived, slept and breathed school. I am a nerd. Not a geek. A nerd. Top of my class naturally, but pretty darn close to the bottom of the social totem pole. While I love my program, and chosen field of study, I fear I have become *boring.* I wasn't always like this, but having to relive your glorified past at my age is pretty pathetic.

So, I am on a search for a fabulous life. Call it whatever you want, a bucket list, finding a hobby, a quest, suiting up, by the time I graduate, I want a life outside of work and school. Granted my timing couldn't be worse (last year of school + two part time jobs doesn't exactly leave a lot of spare time), my budget is non-existent, and this will most likely be pretty humiliating. But, I am determined.

So, I am going to suck it up and get a couple books as jumping off points. God help me.